Day 3 in Elementary, or, Future party planners in the making

Fabulous news, I got to work two whole days this week! I even get paid for it… I’d almost forgotten what that feels like. I’ve been substituting in the same elementary school as last wee, working with 2nd thru 6th grade students, in all the 3 R’s. You might call it a circus. I prefer to paraphrase my Dad; I tap dance pretty well for a clumsy chick.

I have Valentines in my ETSY shop!

If you’ve heard my war stories from my other classroom jobs, buckle down for a new one. I don’t even know where to begin.

Ok, yes I do. I was the staff member on duty for 6th grade lunch, which largely means run around the four square games and yell “Hands to yourself!” and “That’s not what a jump rope is for!” I noticed a gaggle of girls huddling in the far end of the playground. Clearly suspicious. But I had to intervene in game of Wall Ball, anjd the blessed whistle blew before I made it over there through the mud.*

Luckily (ish?), a pair of girls came up to tell me “Those girls over there? They’re having a funeral…”

You may now let that sentence fragment wash over you. It took me at least 5 seconds before I could say “Go on?”

“They’re having a funeral… for a water bottle.”

You may now take 7 seconds, but I warn you not to think too hard because you WILL pull a thinking muscle, and Icy Hot doesn’t help that kinda thing. Seriously, don’t think too hard, because it actually gets weirder.

Evidently the girls made invitations for this funeral. The girls who came to talk to me? They came to me because when they went over to the girls (to pay respect, I assume) and since they didn’t have invitations, the mourners shoved the uninvited away.

Let’s use this moment to look at this beautifully designed and executed quilt— look at its simple beauty and geometric logic. Then say a happy little prayer that you are neither a 6th grade girl nor their lunch duty.*

In a lucky stroke of genius,  I wrote out some Mad Libs stories to fill time with them. If a kid can do a class activity AND use the word poop, they will all sign up (unless they’re too busy sharpening pencils). Thursday’s story developed into a tale where we all went on a field trip to the White House. When we were there we got to see 600 turkey-vultures and a billion saber-tooth-tiger-lions. Our field trip lunch included poop sandwiches and booger milkshakes.

I sincerely hope your weekend meals are poop- and booger-free. And remember, everyone’s invited to a funeral.

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